dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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