You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
