how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
