Even the bartender felt bad for me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I currently don't understand fingers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
