I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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