Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
