Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize