So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
