I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
