Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
