god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
