the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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