omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize