would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
BRING THE BAGELS
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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