how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
