I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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