yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
