you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
