she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
