Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
