fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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