At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
