Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
