I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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