You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Houston, we have a squirter
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
