Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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