if i can run in heels then i can drive
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
