My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
