the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
