Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
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I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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