So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
