operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
