Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
