R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
