Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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