Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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