Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
