Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I could fuck to npr.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
