Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
