When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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