Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
