i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
