Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
