i permit you to call me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
