so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
