i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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