That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
