the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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