In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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