I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
