cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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