the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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