Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
