did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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