i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
