Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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