No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
