im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize