What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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