3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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