non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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