Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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