I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
