it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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