Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
