Christians are straight up FREAKS
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
