so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
