nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
